Category: yoga

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The yoga antidote to Monday’s stress

Showing up for one another with authenticity a…

Regular post

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Embrace awkward silence. You’ll live through it just fine. 

BOOK: There Is No Good Card For This

I’m reading my empathy book and I’ve been sharing it over the past few days. Thanks for reading the posts, your comments are great! 

In the last chapter of this book, the author talks about what NOT to say. So, I’m sharing. 

You’re not an expert. 

Unless you actually ARE an expert, whose expertise is being asked for, hearing news of someone’s crisis is not the time to offer up casual theories about their misfortune. 

Doing this leads to two hurtful implications: 
1. The event was preventable and/or deserved, because if this person had only done X or Y they would be fine
2. Your fact-finding mission is less about providing comfort than about “weeding out” the source of a problem – to make sure it doesn’t happen to you. 

It was never mine to carry and so I lay it dow…

It was never mine to carry and so I lay it down.

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Try this relaxing 30 minute yin class. If you …

Try this relaxing 30 minute yin class. If you have a wall, you can do your own chill yoga class! So get in the pose, close the eyes, and melt. Ahhhhhhhh

Being an Empathetic Person.

1. You can’t solve other people’s problems (and you don’t need to). 
2. You’ll never know how they feel. Just because you’re empathizing with someone doesn’t mean you’ll ever be able to know exactly how they feel. Divorce, for some people, is absolutely devastating. For others, it’s a relief and a reason to throw a party. 

Try asking “How are you?” No one dies from being asked “How are you?”
But if someone has just been through major trauma (egs. brain tumor or spouse just died), and you ask them “How are you?”, they may as well reply with some version of “How the fuck do you think I’m doing?” 
Which, in all honestly, is a fair response. 

You can try “How are you doing TODAY?” because it turns an overwhelming question into a totally manageable one. 

And then you can always follow up with “I’m sorry.” 

“This happened to me, too.”
Sometimes bad times can make us feel alone and ashamed. Knowing that someone we admire has gone through something similar can make us feel less alone. But just because you have experienced the same thing as someone else does NOT mean you know how they feel. People don’t need you to share their exact same feelings down to the molecular level. They just want to know you have been through something similar, and they’re not alone. 

Learning to SHUT UP

It’s much easier to LISTEN than it is to find that elusive “perfect” thing to say. 

Compassion for YOURSELF

Three instances should give us pause before diving in to help someone. 

1. Sometimes life gets in the way, and crises often happen at the most inconvenient times. 
Your best friend’s relationship is crumbling right when you have a major deadline. Just when it feels extra challenging to take care of ourselves, we’re sometimes called upon to take care of others. And when we’re stressed, research shows we are less likely to feel empathy for other people. 

2. The person you care about is actually really hard to care for. 
Some things – like dementia, major mental illness, addiction – are way more emotionally and financially demanding than you can handle. 

3. There are people in our lives who are takers, who will always want more than we can reasonably give. 
Emotional vampires exist. Some people have no filter on their emotions for even the smallest of life’s grievances. They’re always disappointed in others and they’re really hard people to give to. 

In these moments, show compassion for yourself. Recognize that maybe you cant do it all or don’t want to do it all. Not because you hate being inconvenienced, but because you recognize you cant give without feeling depleted and, thus, resentful.